The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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