oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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