I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
