There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
