Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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