Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.