Moan for me like Helen Keller
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.