i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?