It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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