I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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