what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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