I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
where are my eyebrows?
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