Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
