I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
