you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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