we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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