don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
