Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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