I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.