You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?