Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills