At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.