At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.