I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
