hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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