i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I believe in your delicious
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
