I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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