Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
