Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
