I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
