Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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