so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
