Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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