You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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