ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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