Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let's get the cat blown out
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize