I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
