She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
