theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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