4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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