I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
