Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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