When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
