Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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