I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
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you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!