Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.