I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You ate ashes out of my bong