The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way