I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!