so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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