she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago