Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry