Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating