I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.