Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.