I wanna bring you to show and tell
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult