im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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