dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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