Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
