I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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