i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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