dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
