I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
