Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
