He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sarcasm needs its own font
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
